listen up you young whippersnapper

Last weekend marked the second annual holiday cocktail party that my roommates and I decide to put on every year and it was a killer party. Losta good things happend that night and it was full of holiday cheer. First of I got uber plastered much like many of the other guests. It wasn't till the next morning that I comprehended just how much I had drank. In the end it was the sweet delicious amaretto that did me in. Its just sooooo good. Anyways on to the good stuff. The first rediculous thing that happened that night was for some reason all my female friends decided to hang out in my room and watch all the porn that was on my computer. In the end they said that I needed some better porn.

The next rediculous thing was strait out of the book "rediculous crap that always happens to Jake." As the night went on I found myself chillin with one of my fine lady friends. An in quite an unjakelike turn of events we ended up in my room enjoying each others company. And just as the getting was good BOOM! people are knocking on my door and just comin in to get their coats. Game over Jake. Thats all she wrote, theres no way I could rebound from that. The funny thing is that there was this little voice in my head that was telling me the whole time to just hold up, throw the coats out in the hallway, and lock the door. Just a little "lock the door Jake, someone's gunna come in so lock that fucking door." But did I listen. no. and look where it got me. well life goes on and I learn from my mistakes.

Luckily that wasn't the most embarrassing thing that happened that night. at the same time i was getting rudely interrupted my roommate was trying to get with this other peach. I had introduced the two cuz my roommate has a thing for her and she was just looking for some lovin. So I threw my roommate a bone. hehehe. And he was doin a good job to right up to the moment that he projectile vomited on her arm. HAHAHAHA!!!! how does that happen? Anyways she came running out clearly grossed out of her mind. and proceeded to leave the party as fast as she could. Poor guy. I hope he can find an "I'm sorry I puked on you" card.

All in all a holiday party that will be remembered for a long time. I can just see myself as and old geezer sitting on my rocking chair and some young whippersnapper walks by and I'll be like "Did I ever tell you about the time my roommate threw up on the girl he liked and I learned to never use my room to store the coats?" and he'll say no and sit down cuz the tagline is so interesting and I'll regal him with my wonderful story. yay! good times good times.


The End

So with the semester's end nigh upon me I've been looking back at those goals I made for myself at the beginning. And if I'm lucky I'll have done one of them. And it isn't the girlfriend one. Not for a lack of trying though. I think I'm in the wrong environment to find one though. Its like I'm hunting for polar bears in south africa. Lets do the math. I believe my school student body is like 60% female, now thats a good number. But lets add in all the factors that are working against me.

one: some of those chicks already have skeezy boyfriends. that reduces it to like 40%.

two: I go to an art school so a lot of the chicks are just incredibly fucking weird. like mohawk weird. so i'm at like 30% now

three: some of the chicks are just fucking ugos or bahemoths. 20%

four: I'm too picky for my own good. 10%

five: lesbians. 5%

so there you have it. 5%!!!! that's all i've got to work with here. and a good portion of that five percent are just newly single or newly on the market so i get shafted by the whole "they've been hurt before and don't wanna rush anything". fuck me. also you chicks out there are fucking nuts and don't know a good thing when I walk by. thats a fact. deal with it. sex me up.



Following a weekend of heavy heavy drinking I'm feeling very disenchanted towards the world right now. I don't know if thats because my liver's 2 pounds heavier or just cuz I seem to be hitting a down slope on the Jake Roller Coaster of Doom . I think I'm gunna hermit it up so I don't have to deal with all the people that just seem to be pissing me off. The good thing about being a hermit is that its all about Jake. I don't give a shit what other people think or want me to do. But the downside is it doesn't really solve any problems, just sorta makes me out to be an outcast. But I think lately I've been going to far outta my way for other people. Not anymore Hans Brix.


a blog about my blog

So I started this thing a while back now I guess. At first I just wanted it to be a way that I could turn my boring mundane life into something that I could read back on and bust a gut about. A healthy way to remember yourself if I do say so myself.

I just had a random thought. Who the fuck decided that the word "blog" was a good label to put on an internet journal of sorts. What does that even mean. fucking blog. Reminds me of the first sound that comes out when you vomit. Not the dry heave but when theres some actual chunkness coming up. Yeah I know! that's totally what you say. "BLOOOOOGGGG" gross.

Back to my original thought. I feel this is good therapy for me. Its cheap and so that means its good for me. Cuz if I wasn't able to try and look back and find humor in some of god's not so kind acts towards me. I'd be a sad lonely piece of filth right abouts now. Well maybe not, but I wouldn't have documented proof of my brilliant 5 stages analogy. That one's going on my resume. Hans brix


Not in Season

I don't understand a lot of things in this world. But right now I mostly don't understand my keen sense of becoming interesting in chicks who's last thought in the world is on a relationship or even the possibilities of a relationship. Cuz right now Jake's swingin' away with a .000 batting average. I'm very tired right now so I think I'll extend this metaphor. I see these perfect pitches coming my way and I'm thinkin to myself "There's no way in hell i'm gunna miss this one" but then that fucking changeup comes and what was once a juicy looking fast ball heading right for the sweet spot of my proverbial bat has turned into a slider moving high and outside. So over and over again its a swing and a miss. Thank god I've made it to stage 5.


5 stages

so after being single for a long long time, I've looked back on the plethora of time I've had to myself and notice that dealing with being single is a lot like dealing with death and that there are 5 stages people go through.

Stage 1: Denial

The very beginning of singledom, everyone knows that you and your significant other are finished except you. The obvious signs are there and you choose to ignore them "We're just going through a rough patch and needed some time apart" you rationalize to yourself. The words finished, single, over, and move on aren't in your vocabulary, you still call and leave like 20 minute long messages describing your day.

Stage 2: Anger

Possibly the most destructive of your 5 stages, anger can manifest itself in many ways. Most common is destruction and vandalism of the dumper's property by the dumpee. Flaming dog feces on the aformentioned's porch, laying cable on the hood of someone's car, both examples that you are in stage 2. Nights out with the guys/girls are probably riddled with phrases like "that scag-bag took the best 2 months of my life" or "I hope she/he gets the clap and dies." Its necessary that you express your anger as its a sign of progressing through the 5 stages but its best if it is expressed in a healthy and legal manner

Stage 3: Bargaining

In this stage you're in your most desperate condition. You'll give anything just to be in a relationship again. And I mean anything, your standards are just this side of creepy and your willing to put up with a lot of crap just to get your rocks off. You think every girl that gives you a momentary glance is totally into what your selling and your willing to give up anything, everything, and a little on the side to not be single again. Good friends are your best ally in this stage as they will stopping you from bargaining yourself into a relationship with a beast that likes to give people third degree burns for foreplay.

Stage 4: Depression

Ok you've been single for a long time now. You made it without being arrested in the second stage and didn't get hepatitis from a transvestite that you thought was just a tomboyish girl with an acceptable amount of facial hair. But now your depressed and what do you do when your depressed? You drink...a lot. Depending on how long you've taken to go through the first three stages your depression could be a lengthy journey or could be as long as it took you to pack that bowl. You might cry and use your tears as lubrication while you masturbate yourself into a coma. I don't judge. We all deal with depression in our own way.

Stage 5: Acceptance

You made it, You've been single for so long that you no longer care. Single, not single, these states of being mean nothing to you. You don't care if your still single tomorrow or next year. Now you run the show. Your not going to settle like the old you back in stage 3. If your gunna get in it for the long haul with someone it'll be on your terms. Congratulations, you're your own man or woman again.

There they are, your five stages. I'd like to thank all those women that turned me down, without you I would never have looked back and made these wonderful observations.


boredom is the catalyst of creation

so I've been sitting around these past couple of nights with nothing to do since my homework is realitively light, well at least its lighter than what it was in architecture, (ID is a peach) anyways I've been fidling around in 3d Max and made this creation

Just a little bike that I'll be using in the first animated adventure of Samuri Smiley.

Yesterday I was a total retard and missed my design class because I slept in. It was so stupid cuz I had totally done all the work and more and was excited to present and everything, but no, my lazy ass has to sleep in till 11:30 after deciding at 8:00 that "another 30 minutes will be ok" so now I've got to find my professors email and send a letter of apology. Fuck my ass I don't want to be doing stupid things like this again this semester.

still working on one or all of those goals from earlier...


reinventing reinvention

Often times I take a step back from myself and try to decide if I like where I'm going. If I don't like it I say I'm going to reinvent myself and become something I like. Up until now its been met with about a week of reinvention followed by a gradual return to the old me. So I guess that means I've got to reinvent the ways I've been reinventing myself. What does that mean you ask? It means I've been going about it all wrong. I used to give myself a reward system but then would always reward myself without doing anything because I rock and thats reason enough to reward myself. So that doesn't work.

Right now I'm in the middle of reinventing reinventing myself. I'm going to classes, doing the homework on time, and still setting aside time for me to just sit back and enjoy being me. I'm getting back to my roots of punk/alternative rock, and also I'm painting again which I always love.

So why am I still here feeling like somethings missing?


first weeks

today marks the end of the first week of my third year in college. It wasn't a whole weeks cuz I was away for my sisters wedding which was bitchin'. Anywho, It went as good as any of my first weeks of school have gone I guess. After 4 long months I've been able to hang out with one of my best friends and that makes me happy. But for some reason I find myself just wanting to wallow by myself here in my hermit hole. hopefully this feeling goes away, I think its just a product of me being single for way way way too long. That means its time to lower my standards, like so low they're just this side of unbearable. Also I'm spending too much money. Saving is not a talent that I have mastered yet and its about time I start. Too bad I've got a ton of bills to pay and things that I NEED to buy in order to survive. But what can you do.

Goals for this semester

- less than 3 absences in my classes

- good grades so I bring my gpa back up

- wake up and be on time for all my morning classes

- find a girlfriend

-cure cancer


Done like Chirstmas Turkey

In about 1 week my summer vacation (and I use the term loosely) will be over. It'd be sooner except I get a few extra days because I'll be partying down with my sister out in the west as she begins the phase of her life where she's tied down to only one dick forever and ever. But come next Wednesday its all over. I'll be back in school redoing my sophmore year in a new and exciting major. If you've read my other posts you'll agree with me when I say that overall this summer sucked. I mean majorly sucked. Basically besides working at my old, stressful, depressing, and utterly horrible job, I didn't go out. I didn't go on any of the trips that I wanted to. My computer was broken for the entire summer. And I didn't even have any money to spend on myself because of stupid bills. yep It sucked. So maybe starting school is a good thing. I think it is.


Get to Work

So I'm posting this blog while I'm at work. The crazy part is that instead of working like I figured they would want me to my supervisor told me to take a break and get on the computer soley because they really can't find anything else for me to do at the moment. I guess I'm just too efficient at what I. But I find that hard to believe considering I just spent the last 4 days dragging out a 2 day project that consisted of me alphabetizing a file cabinet. I guess my slacking skills have become sub-par these days. Time to start training again, but I've got to be careful no make sure I separate between slacking at work and just plain being too lazy to go to classes. Cuz that didn't turn out so good when I tested it out last semester. I bet ten bucks that my supervisor's gunna tell me to go home at least 15 minutes early, she's the best. Ok, how much longer can I squeeze this break out? 5 minutes? maybe.

In other news my search for a significant other has been going swimmingly, as I'm currently engaged in ongoing conversations via telefono and that age old practice of letter writing with a member of the female pursuasion who is away working at a summer camp. If all goes according to my master plan when she gets back from camp I'll take her out. Nothing fancy, cuz I'm broke as hell. But something fun.

I'll close with one of my favorite demotivational quotes "Get To Work: you aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams."


All Fired Up

So a lots happened since my last post. I believe. Can't really remember what that last one was about but I'll start with this. My old asshole of a boss that made life absolutely miserable for me fired me 2 weeks ago. Ironically I was going to quit that job quite soon anyways. He just beat me to the punch. It wasn't a big deal cuz by the next tuesday I'd already found a new job. Less pay, but oh god is it a better job. here are the perks

-one hour lunch break that I get paid for

-my hardest job is alphabetizing a stack of papers

-my supervisor is the nicest woman ever

-when there's not enough work to do my supervisor sends me home early but has me sign out with my regular hours

all in all I'm in job heaven. One other perk that I just remembered is that I can continue this when I start school and just go to part-time hours. so to sum it up, out with the crappy job with a fuck-face of a boss, in with rich chocolately goodness.


Dia de la Birth

I wanna say happy birthday to my good friend Whitney. She's been mentioned before in this blog and has been a bright spot during this adventure that is college. If I didn't live in the city she would be my new "contact" since she's turning 21. Anyways, congrats on 20 plus 1 years of life I'm glad I've been a part of at least one of them.


summer lovin

I officially hate what my summer has become. Why in this world would anyone think that it should be the natural corse of life to grow up and stop sitting around all day eating snacks, playing make-believe, going on quests around the farm armed with sticks as swords, and taking the occasional afternoon nap. I still take the naps but not as often as I'd like too. My point is I want to be a kid again knocking the bails off the top of the haystacks and watching them explode when they hit the ground. Also I'm pretty sure I need a girlfriend. I'm getting so messy that the voice in my head is starting to call me a grubby bum. And if not a girlfriend at least someone to tell me to clean my room, do my laundry, and wash my damn dishes once in a while. I still don't have a new computer and that makes me a sad panda.


A rare case

It took me 3 hours to drive from Queens to Brooklyn after work today. If I had taken the right roads it would've taken me about 45 minutes. What can I say? Driving and I have a love hate relationship. I did notice one interesting thing in those three hours though. I've diagnosed myself with a very rare case of dyslexia. You know the directions that are spray painted on the road like "Fire Lane" or "Cars Only", well when you drive over them its the first word followed by the other and you think any normal human being would just read it regularly cuz the first word they see is what they would read first. But not me my friends, I read it the opposite since your read top down from a book I read top down on the road thus I read "Fire Lane" as "Lane Fire" or "Xing School." Yep. I have dyslexia.


Comp Stomp

So friday after being all excited to get done with work and have my big birthday weekend I came home and started playing around on my computer. But my happiness was quickly estinguished when my computer decided to have a cataclysmic failure. The problem wasn't you run of the mill restart and fix problem this was some major shit. Apperently my hard drive is destroyed cuz it wouldn't even let me wipe the drive and reinstall windows. so now I am without a computer and wont be on everyday living my online life like I did before. At least not until I get a new desktop. Cuz I see this as a perfect excuse to get a desktop. Now if anyone wants to get a hold of me their gunna hafta give me a call. Piece out bitches I need to find ways to occupy my time without my awsome computer.


10 seconds

today I had the pleasure of working for a little bit on the roof of a 51 floor high rise in Manhattan. As I looked over the edge I wondered how long it would take to hit the bottom if you jumped. My guess was that it would take roughly 10 seconds, which, is not only enough time to reach terminal velocity (I'm not really sure but it sounds cool) but I figured in that 10 seconds that would give me enough time to vomit, piss and crap my pants at the same time, and finally accept the inevitable. If I ever did find myself falling 50 stories I'd have to turn around so I'd hit facing the sky. I just couldn't handle seeing the sidewalk right before I hit it. On the other hand If I did face the ground there's a chance I could direct myself to take out someone else with me. I think in 10 seconds I could pick a target. Also on my journey home I saw a couple things that I find disgusting.

-Chicks with bigger feet than me. Yes, I saw them and the were huge and gross

-People who's knees touch but their thighs don't. Mostly found in women but I'm sure I'd be just as disgusted seeing a guy with the same problem.

Birthdays in a few days and I already got myself a fat birthday cigar. Also I'm gunna go to the Airshow on Sunday. WaaHoo!!


Work is Hell

I think a large majority of any of the summer blogs I have the engery to do are gunna basically be me complaining about how much my job sucks ass. This jobs first problem: I have to start at 6:30 in the morning, so in ordert to get to work at this rediculous time I usually end up staying up all night after I've napped the rest of my day away. Now my schedule is awake from midnight to 7ish and passed out the other half.

here are the highlights from yesterday:

-first 6 hours of work spent riding shotgun as me and another guy drove to the bronx to dump scrap metal. The driver bought me breakfast too since I'm destitute.

-while riding, a bus went by with a advertisement for vacation in Istanbul so I got the They Might Be Giants song Istanbul (not Constantinople) stuck in my head for a little while

-since I don't have any money I didn't have lunch and spent my 30 minute break napping.

-spent the afternoon shoveling up broken concrete next to a fucking jackhammer. The noise almost made me vomit.

-stopped working at 4:30 and wasted 15 minutes before signing out so I could round up to 5:00

alright, thats done. basically my day was full of dynamic karma -Great job in the morning, ball busting job in the afternoon. On a lighter note I saw this enourmous black guy that was walking around with his own folding chair and the driver and I had a laugh talking about how maybe he needed a diet instead of a folding chair.


Blue Collar Man

When you have to wake up at 5:30 for work its a good bet that your days gunna suck. Mine was no exception. What started out good with seeing a hot chick jogging when I went to get coffee, and driving around Manhattan to a different job site took a pretty wicked turn when I found out I'd have to work with the one item in this world that I despise most of all. Fucking fiberglass insulation. I despise that shit so much I had to hold back a gag reflex when I first touched it. This was followed by about 2 hours of scrapping shit followed by another 2 hours of wiping glue off a wall. I LOVE WORKING. Pretty sure getting my ass pounded by a certain Mr. Hill would be less gay than today. The best part is that I get to do basically the same menial, sanity destroying labor tomorrow, and the next day, and all next week!!! Suck my balls capitalist america.

At least I'll sleep well since I'm so fucking exhausted. This is important for me when I have to wake up at 5:30 again. If god shines his grace on me it'll rain tomorrow and I don't have to go, which will give me an opportunity to register for classes finally.

Whitney hasn't been online for a while, and she's always online. Thinkin about giving her a call just to see if she's still got a pulse.

edit: also the guy I worked with called me James all day. And i've got a correction for the second paragraph. I'm not sleeping well. YAY! keeping fingers crossed for lots of rain.


Summer Time, and the livin is easy

So tomorrow will officially be the beginning of my summer vacation, but vacation is a very, very, very misleading term. I think it would be better described as my summer journey into depths of boredom that no man has ever ventured to before. I'm not looking forward to working myself ragged to pay the accumulation of bills that I've managed to skillfully aquire. Aside from a few small moments of exceeding joy that I have planned for over the summer I predict its going to be a mind numbing pattern of work and sleep.

With school out that means lotsa people are going back home and this included basically my best friend on the east coast. We had quite an adventure together over this past school year and yesterday I said goodby for the summer to Whitney. It felt like I was saying goodby to my life long friends back in Montana,when I started my journey over here to the east coast, all over again. But as one of the pockets of joy in this summer I will be wisking my way up to Syracuse and raising hell all over the town with her. Luckily before she left we got to hang out a lot and I got a batch of cookies to make the parting ways easier. I put a handful in a bowl and added milk and it was delicious, unfortunatly there was only enough for two bowls worth. I'll have to get a refill.

Let this summer of terrible debilitating, mind-numbing tedium and boredom begin!


the TA that wasn't

This last semester I was asked by my old media professor to TA for his class. Having nothing better to do with my thursday nights and friday morning I said sure. For the first 3 or 4 weeks I was AWSOME, coming in multiple times a week to held the kids get a grip on the software and what the professor was looking for. After that things took a sharp nosedive. I still showed up thursday nights to give some encouraging words here or a few suggestions there. But I realized when you ace a class by essentially taking the half-assed way out you don't really learn a boatload that you can used to assist others. And now with their final about 15 minutes from now I feel myself going back on my word that I would be there for my final. I don't really feel to bad. Most of the kids don't care and are just glad to get the fuck out for the summer. I don't really care either cuz I just put in an entire night of organizing MY media work into a wonderful portfolio. So good luck guys, I'm taking a nap.


Ramble Ramble Ramble

So due to my actions in the past I now find myself in the middle of an epic quest to write about 20 pages worth of assignments within this week. Luckily I have been endowed with phenomenal powers of the Ramble. What are ramble powers you ask. Well, simply put I can bullshit any essay assignment. 7 pages you say no sweat. Ramble powers allow me to turn about a paragraphs worth of material into 4 pages of pure printed gold. This week will be a good refresher since I've let my powers lay dormant for most of this semester. They were rusty and took a little extra coaxing to get into full gear earlier. But now i'm a steamrolling essay writing machine. You wish you had my god like Ramble power.


Convo with a friend

This is what my friend and I had to say concerning the recent unveiling of the new name for the Nintendo Revolution.

Jake says: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Mike says: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Mike says: why in gods name?!
Jake says: fuckin Wii man
Mike says: whats wrong with this world jake
Jake says: wii is whats wrong
Mike says: I lost all urge to buy it
Jake says: hahaha
Jake says: come on dude
Jake says: lets wii it up
Mike says: dude that was suicide
Mike says: they obviously didn't have anyone intelligent on the American side that said
Mike says: uhhhhh
Jake says: hahaha
Jake says: "thats fucking retarded"
Mike says: "Dude lets go play wii man"
Jake says: hahaha
Mike says: "Hey man, did you remember to bring the wii over"
Jake says: "can't talk right now, i gotta wii"
Jake says: hahaha
Mike says: hahaha
Jake says: they must've been huffing glue or something and when the president came in and was all like "all right guys whats the name?"
Jake says: the first thing they said was "Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"
Jake says: while they were spinning in their chairs and sticking their fingers up their ass
Mike says: hahahaha
Mike says: they probably changed it because no japanese could pronounce the word revolution
Jake says: hahaha
Jake says: revorution
Mike says: dude what could possibly be a gayer name
Mike says: maybe Peep
Jake says: hahaha
Mike says: or Snuggyrumpkins
Mike says: haha
Jake says: hahahaha
Jake says: Dude i just got a Snuggyrumpkins
Mike says: hahahahahaha
Mike says: "SUHWEEET!"

There you have it. Revolution - cool, Wii - Snuggyrumpkins gay.


Render time

So I'm working on this sweet 3d model for one of my classes and I'm loving every part about it except for the rediculously long rendering times thats its taking. At first render time was long because of some complex lighting that the computer has to process but now I just added a reflective material so my render time has just skyrocketed. But this is beside the fact. The only thing you need to get out of that story is that I'm left with a lot of time on my hands while I'm waiting for the picture to render.

Since hearing that my sister's gotten engaged I've been contemplating the relationship aspect of my life. While I'm currently in a relationship slump at the moment I feel that going along with my "no regrets" motto lifestyle that I haven't had a relationship that looking back on it I would say it was a mistake. Right now I don't hold any anger or animosity towards my ex's, simply put our lives may have synced together for the few months of our relationships but eventually we were no longer on the same wavelength, so we went our seperate ways.

As far as the institution of marriage goes its not even a whisper of a thought in my mind right now. My sister getting married at 22 just blows my mind and that fact that her soon to be husband is the only guy that she's ever dated absolutely baffles me. I'm not saying that they weren't ment for each other and wont make a wonderful and happy couple, I'm just saying that thats never happens. I for one can't comprehend a world where I'm ready to get married before I'm at least out of college and have a career established. and I'm fairly certain that my first girlfriend won't be the one I'm marrying seeing how she's in Japan and I haven't talked to or heard anything about her in 6 years.

anyways moral of this story: too much time on my hands and I start thinking like a girl. what are these feelings, and why am I talking about them. I think its about time I just sit back, quit complaining and in the words of one of my favorite teacher "let it all.....happen."


Yay! the happy couple

This just in! I just got off the phone with my sister who was wisked away by her fantastic boyfriend for a weekend retreat to Mt. Ranier, and guess what. That cunning man purposed to her! Of course she said yes, my sister wouldn't let all that stalking, obsessing, and hard work be for nothing. She's had her eye on this prize ever since she didn't practically one of the worst things a girl can do to her significant other...she gave him an ultimatum! A DAMN ULTIMATUM. She said she needed a ring before she'd move in with him and she said she needed it by september. My sister is a clever one. But I like Chris, I'm glad he's the one my sister got her meat hooks into. There's a very nice and *cough cough* romantic story to the whole proposal, but its confidential information that my sister has shared with me. Its in the vault and you'll only get it out of me if you know the combination. Anyways, Congradulations! Now i get a free flight to spokane and you can sure as hell bet I'm visiting friends. Big American Party! Fun Time For All!!!!

Ah the cartridge

During a particularly deep session of going back and reviewing my life I remembered a little something that due to changing times is very rare these days. I'm talking about the etiquette concerning renting video games. These days you've got your memory cards and hard drives so its not an issue but back in the day of cartridge gaming each game only had a precious few number of save spots and unless you were a rich little prick you had to rent your games and follow the rules and guidelines of renting etiquette. It was a unspoken rule, but any and all hardcore rental gamers knew the rules. Simply put you never fucked with the save file that was farthest along ei. the highest level or the most time. The worst save file was always the one you could erase if you wanted to start your own new game, and you where hot shit if you could get past the best save file. Of course that's the only way you could be sure that when you rent it again next weekend file will still be there. There's a special place in hell for those that broke this unspoken rule.


All Fact No Flavor

Recently I've been ravaging wikipedia during fact battles with my buddy online. Its astonding what I can occupy my mind with. It will usually start out with something I'm interested in like the SR-71 Blackbird (a jet that if it were socially acceptable I'd make love to) and then will branch out to something like the sound barrier or jet engines and by the end of my journey through wikipedia I'm reading about darkmatter and black holes. One of my greatest moments was when I was looking up seppuku and ended up at the hillarious www.realultimatepower.net reading about how to commit seppuku with a frisbee. I always enjoy broadening my general knowledge of useless trivia, some of my other friends are not as amused. Others tell me to shut up when I try to share, you know who you are.
I have a feeling sometimes scientists waste all their imagination on theories and then can't think of good names to call what they've created. Some of the most wacked-out crackpots in the science community had to get together to discover positrons (the antimatter equal of electrons) but when it came to naming a machine that slows down positrons the best that they could come up with is "positron deccelerator" come on guys, you can do better. something like Positronic Motion Reductinator.


Oh the Irony

I was having a discussion with my friend today about donating blood when it dawned on me that while I can donate blood to approximately 86% precent of the human population since I'm O positive I can only recieve blood from someone whose either O positive or O negative. Believe me the irony is not lost on me. The only comforting fact is that type O is a realitively common blood type. Regardless I think I should start be judiciously selfish with my blood, maybe start up a reserve in my fridge Cosmo Kramer style.



So Today I was sitting around thinking about shit and I suddenly noticed one of the crazy quirks that I have. Everytime I'm explaining where someplace is to someone and I have to give a direction like north or south, in my head I always, always picture a map and have to say "Never Eat Soggy Waffles" for north, east, south, and west. I'm not a stupid guy...most of the time...I know my directions but I can never help it, its a reflex that I can't stop. I do it everytime I have to tell someone a direction. Along the same lines, if I have to tell someone right or left, I always have the thought "I write with this had so its my right and this one is my left" then I can give the answer right or left. I'm fucking nuts.

Also I remembered one of my favorite little facts last night. If Montana was to become its own nation right now it would be the 4th largest nuclear power in the world. Think about that the next time you make fun of Montana.


Doctor. Doctor.

I've decided there are few things in this world that can be a true test of your friendship with others. One of those is "stacking." I'll leave it at that. Maybe a few of you who read this will actually know what I'm talking about. Lets just say that you've got to be really really reeeeaaaalllllly good friends before you attempt a stack. Or your all disgusting degenerates. But recently I discovered something else that lets you know who your real friends are. And that's having a friend there to help you cut out a piece of glass thats been stuck in your arm when the doctors somehow missed it after you hit a truck at 60 mph 2 years ago. (see above picture). It was a truely bonding experience. And it wasn't so much that THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!! But more the fact that there was just someone else there to help me out cuz if I learned anything from my 2 failed attempts by myself its that you need more than one hand to dig out a small chunk of glass, also an exacto and tweasers help. The best part about it was that my friend couldn't stop from cracking up about it. It's not like I'm fishing around 3cm deep in my arm trying to find a piece of glass. But I wouldn't have had it any other way, cuz theres nothing like removing the last vestage of a bad memory from your body by laughing the whole way through it. Thanks again, I don't think I'll ever forget what happened on April 10th, 2006 ever.


I just remembered that back in the day my friend and I were driving past a picket line and I shouted out "GET A JOB!" Ahhhh the good ol' days.



I had just gotten done with tennis practice and was making my way to my locker to put my shit away. It was just my luck that right next to my locker there was dude in absolutely nothing but his birthday suit. In the whole fucking locker room its just me and this guy who chose that exact spot strip down to his scivies. All i wanted to do was throw my shit in the locker and get outta there, but I was so physically taken back that it took me THREE tries to get my combination right. I've now officially got my quota of man ass to hold me for a good long time. like the rest of my life.


Black Shuck

Today we lost our first tennis match of the season. It was non-conference so it doesn't really matter anyways, and I swear some of their players where over 30. I did manage to win my doubles match so its not all bad.
I've gotta put together a portfolio-ish collection of my work to show the Industrial Design departmen to see if I can switch majors and get out of this hell that is Architecture. So hopefullly I can stay busy getting that together and not succumb to a tempting whirlwind of laziness.


Frida and Andy

I was hanging out in my friends dorm room and she told me about this assignment she had to do comparing two different peices of art. I wrote this for her and said she should turn it in.

The Legend of Andy Warhol.

Frida Kahlo was a homely looking woman with a wicked unibrow that could stop even the strongest men dead in their tracks. The only man in the known universe with the power to stop Frida and her unibrow of terror was the fabled Andy Warhol. Andy had studied for years with the Tibetan monks in the holy temple of Hontalatoche. After years under the tutelage of the Man-who-has-no-name, Andy had perfected the art of the Art Deco, Frida’s only weakness. It’s multi colored attack made men’s heads explode. While Andy had been deep in meditation and study over the years Frida Kahlo was busy building an army of super brows. To the casual observer they appeared as simple self portraits of this diabolical mastermind, but each and every dastardly portrait was imbedded with the evil and hatred of the unibrow. Every portrait gave Frida more and more power over the little peoples of the world with the hypnotic powers that she was able to derive from them. Sensing an increase of darkness spreading across the world Andy immediately left his dojo on his glorious quest to stop the terrible Kahlo and rid the world of unibrows once and for all. Andy knew this would be no easy task and would constantly test what he was made of. Andy left a wake of splattered brains and grey matter belonging to the brainwashed cronies that made up Frida’s army of doom. The carnage that Andy had to go through would make large black men cry for their mommies. Collateral damage could not be helped as the casual observer would unwittingly gaze upon Andy’s Art Deco attack and immediately have his brain matter coat his surroundings. Andy regretted the unfortunate casualties but knew that they would be far less then the casualties resulting from tyrannical Frida rule, so he kept on, unleashing his mastered Art Deco technique on all who stood between him and the vicious Frida. Finally after months of bloodshed and despair Andy found himself face to unibrow with his ultimate enemy. Andy almost felt his wits escape him as he looked deep into the pit of despair that was that dreaded unibrow. Mustering every amount of courage and hope that he could he quickly fashioned the finest Art Deco attack that only years of highly disciplined practice could achieve. Frida let out a long low howl of anguish as her brains were turning to mashed potatoes inside her head. Andy could see the light at the end of this long blood drenched tunnel that he had been walking through for months. He could see the unibrow was struggling to retain its control over the scrambled mess inside Frida’s head. Seeing his opening Andy made a quick dash and unshealthed the holy razor that his master had entrusted with him before leaving on his epic journey. With one fluid movement of his wrist Andy sliced away the hair of evil on Frida’s forehead ridding the world of the devilish unibrow once and for all. Unfortunatly the damage done to Frida’s mind was irreversible so in an act of infinite mercy Andy beheaded his great foe preserving what honor Frida had obtained before falling to the dark side of the unibrow. Thus ends the tale of Frida and Andy.


Curiosity will kill her

My cat will eat the oddest things. She's a big fan of Corn Pops and pretzels. She enjoys the occasional Wheat Thin as well. She won't eat ravioli's but will lick sauce out of the bowl when I'm done. She won't eat raw sausage, but as soon as it's cooked she's in my lap trying to tear it off my fork. Not a fan of eggs though. curious.

Edit: I forgot she loves the sauce, a little amaretto on her catfood and she's in little drunk cat heaven.


Random thought 1

While I was sitting in my world civ class today my mind began to drift. I thought about what it would be like to be a hitman and what my first kill would be like. I imagined that I would feel a certain rush, similar to the one you get when your on the trail of a wild animal, followed by severe regret for wiping out the existence of another being. Then I rationalized that hitmen are usually hired to snuff out bad dudes anyways so the world isn't a worse place without them there. I think I need to day dream about healthier topics.