Disenchanted

Following a weekend of heavy heavy drinking I'm feeling very disenchanted towards the world right now. I don't know if thats because my liver's 2 pounds heavier or just cuz I seem to be hitting a down slope on the Jake Roller Coaster of Doom . I think I'm gunna hermit it up so I don't have to deal with all the people that just seem to be pissing me off. The good thing about being a hermit is that its all about Jake. I don't give a shit what other people think or want me to do. But the downside is it doesn't really solve any problems, just sorta makes me out to be an outcast. But I think lately I've been going to far outta my way for other people. Not anymore Hans Brix.

a blog about my blog

So I started this thing a while back now I guess. At first I just wanted it to be a way that I could turn my boring mundane life into something that I could read back on and bust a gut about. A healthy way to remember yourself if I do say so myself.

I just had a random thought. Who the fuck decided that the word "blog" was a good label to put on an internet journal of sorts. What does that even mean. fucking blog. Reminds me of the first sound that comes out when you vomit. Not the dry heave but when theres some actual chunkness coming up. Yeah I know! that's totally what you say. "BLOOOOOGGGG" gross.

Back to my original thought. I feel this is good therapy for me. Its cheap and so that means its good for me. Cuz if I wasn't able to try and look back and find humor in some of god's not so kind acts towards me. I'd be a sad lonely piece of filth right abouts now. Well maybe not, but I wouldn't have documented proof of my brilliant 5 stages analogy. That one's going on my resume. Hans brix

Not in Season

I don't understand a lot of things in this world. But right now I mostly don't understand my keen sense of becoming interesting in chicks who's last thought in the world is on a relationship or even the possibilities of a relationship. Cuz right now Jake's swingin' away with a .000 batting average. I'm very tired right now so I think I'll extend this metaphor. I see these perfect pitches coming my way and I'm thinkin to myself "There's no way in hell i'm gunna miss this one" but then that fucking changeup comes and what was once a juicy looking fast ball heading right for the sweet spot of my proverbial bat has turned into a slider moving high and outside. So over and over again its a swing and a miss. Thank god I've made it to stage 5.

5 stages

so after being single for a long long time, I've looked back on the plethora of time I've had to myself and notice that dealing with being single is a lot like dealing with death and that there are 5 stages people go through.

Stage 1: Denial

The very beginning of singledom, everyone knows that you and your significant other are finished except you. The obvious signs are there and you choose to ignore them "We're just going through a rough patch and needed some time apart" you rationalize to yourself. The words finished, single, over, and move on aren't in your vocabulary, you still call and leave like 20 minute long messages describing your day.

Stage 2: Anger

Possibly the most destructive of your 5 stages, anger can manifest itself in many ways. Most common is destruction and vandalism of the dumper's property by the dumpee. Flaming dog feces on the aformentioned's porch, laying cable on the hood of someone's car, both examples that you are in stage 2. Nights out with the guys/girls are probably riddled with phrases like "that scag-bag took the best 2 months of my life" or "I hope she/he gets the clap and dies." Its necessary that you express your anger as its a sign of progressing through the 5 stages but its best if it is expressed in a healthy and legal manner

Stage 3: Bargaining

In this stage you're in your most desperate condition. You'll give anything just to be in a relationship again. And I mean anything, your standards are just this side of creepy and your willing to put up with a lot of crap just to get your rocks off. You think every girl that gives you a momentary glance is totally into what your selling and your willing to give up anything, everything, and a little on the side to not be single again. Good friends are your best ally in this stage as they will stopping you from bargaining yourself into a relationship with a beast that likes to give people third degree burns for foreplay.

Stage 4: Depression

Ok you've been single for a long time now. You made it without being arrested in the second stage and didn't get hepatitis from a transvestite that you thought was just a tomboyish girl with an acceptable amount of facial hair. But now your depressed and what do you do when your depressed? You drink...a lot. Depending on how long you've taken to go through the first three stages your depression could be a lengthy journey or could be as long as it took you to pack that bowl. You might cry and use your tears as lubrication while you masturbate yourself into a coma. I don't judge. We all deal with depression in our own way.

Stage 5: Acceptance

You made it, You've been single for so long that you no longer care. Single, not single, these states of being mean nothing to you. You don't care if your still single tomorrow or next year. Now you run the show. Your not going to settle like the old you back in stage 3. If your gunna get in it for the long haul with someone it'll be on your terms. Congratulations, you're your own man or woman again.

There they are, your five stages. I'd like to thank all those women that turned me down, without you I would never have looked back and made these wonderful observations.

boredom is the catalyst of creation

so I've been sitting around these past couple of nights with nothing to do since my homework is realitively light, well at least its lighter than what it was in architecture, (ID is a peach) anyways I've been fidling around in 3d Max and made this creation


Just a little bike that I'll be using in the first animated adventure of Samuri Smiley.

Yesterday I was a total retard and missed my design class because I slept in. It was so stupid cuz I had totally done all the work and more and was excited to present and everything, but no, my lazy ass has to sleep in till 11:30 after deciding at 8:00 that "another 30 minutes will be ok" so now I've got to find my professors email and send a letter of apology. Fuck my ass I don't want to be doing stupid things like this again this semester.

still working on one or all of those goals from earlier...

reinventing reinvention

Often times I take a step back from myself and try to decide if I like where I'm going. If I don't like it I say I'm going to reinvent myself and become something I like. Up until now its been met with about a week of reinvention followed by a gradual return to the old me. So I guess that means I've got to reinvent the ways I've been reinventing myself. What does that mean you ask? It means I've been going about it all wrong. I used to give myself a reward system but then would always reward myself without doing anything because I rock and thats reason enough to reward myself. So that doesn't work.

Right now I'm in the middle of reinventing reinventing myself. I'm going to classes, doing the homework on time, and still setting aside time for me to just sit back and enjoy being me. I'm getting back to my roots of punk/alternative rock, and also I'm painting again which I always love.

So why am I still here feeling like somethings missing?

first weeks

today marks the end of the first week of my third year in college. It wasn't a whole weeks cuz I was away for my sisters wedding which was bitchin'. Anywho, It went as good as any of my first weeks of school have gone I guess. After 4 long months I've been able to hang out with one of my best friends and that makes me happy. But for some reason I find myself just wanting to wallow by myself here in my hermit hole. hopefully this feeling goes away, I think its just a product of me being single for way way way too long. That means its time to lower my standards, like so low they're just this side of unbearable. Also I'm spending too much money. Saving is not a talent that I have mastered yet and its about time I start. Too bad I've got a ton of bills to pay and things that I NEED to buy in order to survive. But what can you do.

Goals for this semester

- less than 3 absences in my classes

- good grades so I bring my gpa back up

- wake up and be on time for all my morning classes

- find a girlfriend

-cure cancer

Done like Chirstmas Turkey

In about 1 week my summer vacation (and I use the term loosely) will be over. It'd be sooner except I get a few extra days because I'll be partying down with my sister out in the west as she begins the phase of her life where she's tied down to only one dick forever and ever. But come next Wednesday its all over. I'll be back in school redoing my sophmore year in a new and exciting major. If you've read my other posts you'll agree with me when I say that overall this summer sucked. I mean majorly sucked. Basically besides working at my old, stressful, depressing, and utterly horrible job, I didn't go out. I didn't go on any of the trips that I wanted to. My computer was broken for the entire summer. And I didn't even have any money to spend on myself because of stupid bills. yep It sucked. So maybe starting school is a good thing. I think it is.

Get to Work

So I'm posting this blog while I'm at work. The crazy part is that instead of working like I figured they would want me to my supervisor told me to take a break and get on the computer soley because they really can't find anything else for me to do at the moment. I guess I'm just too efficient at what I. But I find that hard to believe considering I just spent the last 4 days dragging out a 2 day project that consisted of me alphabetizing a file cabinet. I guess my slacking skills have become sub-par these days. Time to start training again, but I've got to be careful no make sure I separate between slacking at work and just plain being too lazy to go to classes. Cuz that didn't turn out so good when I tested it out last semester. I bet ten bucks that my supervisor's gunna tell me to go home at least 15 minutes early, she's the best. Ok, how much longer can I squeeze this break out? 5 minutes? maybe.

In other news my search for a significant other has been going swimmingly, as I'm currently engaged in ongoing conversations via telefono and that age old practice of letter writing with a member of the female pursuasion who is away working at a summer camp. If all goes according to my master plan when she gets back from camp I'll take her out. Nothing fancy, cuz I'm broke as hell. But something fun.

I'll close with one of my favorite demotivational quotes "Get To Work: you aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams."

All Fired Up

So a lots happened since my last post. I believe. Can't really remember what that last one was about but I'll start with this. My old asshole of a boss that made life absolutely miserable for me fired me 2 weeks ago. Ironically I was going to quit that job quite soon anyways. He just beat me to the punch. It wasn't a big deal cuz by the next tuesday I'd already found a new job. Less pay, but oh god is it a better job. here are the perks

-one hour lunch break that I get paid for

-my hardest job is alphabetizing a stack of papers

-my supervisor is the nicest woman ever

-when there's not enough work to do my supervisor sends me home early but has me sign out with my regular hours

all in all I'm in job heaven. One other perk that I just remembered is that I can continue this when I start school and just go to part-time hours. so to sum it up, out with the crappy job with a fuck-face of a boss, in with rich chocolately goodness.