2 weeks

Spring break coming up, and just like every year before this one I'm doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well something. I'm gunna work. woooo! But the money will be good cuz right now I'm fairly certain I'm hella overdrawn on my bank acount and thats not good.

I was sitting in bed earlier trying to think of things I could do over the break. I need to keep my mind occupied so I don't end up abusing myself. Jess doesn't think I can go the whole week. I'm sure I can as long as I keep busy. And I was promised a good prize if I make it, so I got that incentive working for me. I think I'll finish my painting that I've been working on for about 5 months.

Thats about it. Excited about the 300 might go see in over the break.

new news news new

Its been awhile since I've updated this sucker. I wouldn't say a lot happened. But stuff has happened. Mostly good stuff. I'll get the bad stuff out of the way first. I seriously am the worst person at keeping track of how much money I have in my checking account. three times now I've gone to get some money and overdrawn my account. Sucks balls. Alright the good stuff. As a friend put it I met a girl "through the power of myspace bulletins" I had met jess once before I think when she came to a random party at my apartment at the beginning of last semester. Pretty sure we talked a little cuz i remembered her saying a lot about working at home depot. Yeah well anyways 4 months later she sends me a little message responding to one of the many bulletins I do out of boredom on myspace and I was like "hey home depot girl" so I answer back propositioning that we should hang out and thats all she wrote. Went and saw the Reno 911 movie yesterday and it was tits.

Phew! I just got an email from my tennis coach that said there was practice today and i was like Oh dear god i don't wanna practice cuz i thought we didn't have it today. But luckily I just got another email correcting his mistake and there is no practice tonight! I WIN!!!

It should of been a snowday today...

Tulips

Some words are just terrible all by themselves. For example: Cyst. There's nothing good going on there the C and the Y are like polar opposites locked in an epic battle of phonetic destruction. And then that st on the end is really bringin it down. Theres also the actual meaning of the word that just destroys all hope. Like herpes. Maybe before it was a case of burning sores on your genitals, herpes was a happy word.

I bet a lot of people look at the word tumor and think of it as an unpleasant word but I don't because when I was little my grandpa had gotten a tumor in his brain, but since I couldn't remember the word tumor I would always say tulip. like asking why grandpa had a tulip in his brain. So now when I see or hear tumor I still think tulip.

yeah well, I thought it was funny.

Every panda that won't screw to save its species

I want to destroy something beautiful.

Right now I am just so done with people I'm afraid I might do something very irrational. It takes me a good 10 minutes each morning to center myself and get ready to deal with a bunch of people that I just want to fucking end.

I'm done with people complaining about stupid shit

I'm done with people acting like ridiculous r-tards

I'm done with people that refuse to think about others

I'm done with people overreacting

I'm done with people taking everything too seriously

I'm done caring

I'm just fucking done.

I need something more than this to vent though. I can just hear myself screaming as loud as I can in my head. I want to punch something. hard. I wanna put all my frustration and anger in one fist and destroy something.

and now I'm done posting.

Semester molester

I've just begun my 6th semster in school, which, barring any further changes to my major marks the second half of what will be my college experience. So how was the first half you ask? Well I give it about a 6 outta 10. On the plus side I got out of a crappy small town, got away from the parentals, and just got out more than I did back in the day. I constantly feel that had I gone to a state school that certain aspects of my college experience would've been better ei. I would've gotten more ass. But thats the price I pay for my college choice. I'm not saying there haven't been golden opportunities that I've completely fucked up 5 ways to the weekend. I'm just saying that maybe with a bigger student body and a smaller percentage of wack jobs, those opportunities might have come along more often so that I wouldn't fuck them all up. But what can ya do. This second half of college has me pretty stoked though. opportunities are on the horizon and all JP Morgan has to do is seize the day. So I'm gunna get off this computer and start seizing.

listen up you young whippersnapper

Last weekend marked the second annual holiday cocktail party that my roommates and I decide to put on every year and it was a killer party. Losta good things happend that night and it was full of holiday cheer. First of I got uber plastered much like many of the other guests. It wasn't till the next morning that I comprehended just how much I had drank. In the end it was the sweet delicious amaretto that did me in. Its just sooooo good. Anyways on to the good stuff. The first rediculous thing that happened that night was for some reason all my female friends decided to hang out in my room and watch all the porn that was on my computer. In the end they said that I needed some better porn.

The next rediculous thing was strait out of the book "rediculous crap that always happens to Jake." As the night went on I found myself chillin with one of my fine lady friends. An in quite an unjakelike turn of events we ended up in my room enjoying each others company. And just as the getting was good BOOM! people are knocking on my door and just comin in to get their coats. Game over Jake. Thats all she wrote, theres no way I could rebound from that. The funny thing is that there was this little voice in my head that was telling me the whole time to just hold up, throw the coats out in the hallway, and lock the door. Just a little "lock the door Jake, someone's gunna come in so lock that fucking door." But did I listen. no. and look where it got me. well life goes on and I learn from my mistakes.

Luckily that wasn't the most embarrassing thing that happened that night. at the same time i was getting rudely interrupted my roommate was trying to get with this other peach. I had introduced the two cuz my roommate has a thing for her and she was just looking for some lovin. So I threw my roommate a bone. hehehe. And he was doin a good job to right up to the moment that he projectile vomited on her arm. HAHAHAHA!!!! how does that happen? Anyways she came running out clearly grossed out of her mind. and proceeded to leave the party as fast as she could. Poor guy. I hope he can find an "I'm sorry I puked on you" card.

All in all a holiday party that will be remembered for a long time. I can just see myself as and old geezer sitting on my rocking chair and some young whippersnapper walks by and I'll be like "Did I ever tell you about the time my roommate threw up on the girl he liked and I learned to never use my room to store the coats?" and he'll say no and sit down cuz the tagline is so interesting and I'll regal him with my wonderful story. yay! good times good times.

The End

So with the semester's end nigh upon me I've been looking back at those goals I made for myself at the beginning. And if I'm lucky I'll have done one of them. And it isn't the girlfriend one. Not for a lack of trying though. I think I'm in the wrong environment to find one though. Its like I'm hunting for polar bears in south africa. Lets do the math. I believe my school student body is like 60% female, now thats a good number. But lets add in all the factors that are working against me.

one: some of those chicks already have skeezy boyfriends. that reduces it to like 40%.

two: I go to an art school so a lot of the chicks are just incredibly fucking weird. like mohawk weird. so i'm at like 30% now

three: some of the chicks are just fucking ugos or bahemoths. 20%

four: I'm too picky for my own good. 10%

five: lesbians. 5%

so there you have it. 5%!!!! that's all i've got to work with here. and a good portion of that five percent are just newly single or newly on the market so i get shafted by the whole "they've been hurt before and don't wanna rush anything". fuck me. also you chicks out there are fucking nuts and don't know a good thing when I walk by. thats a fact. deal with it. sex me up.

Disenchanted

Following a weekend of heavy heavy drinking I'm feeling very disenchanted towards the world right now. I don't know if thats because my liver's 2 pounds heavier or just cuz I seem to be hitting a down slope on the Jake Roller Coaster of Doom . I think I'm gunna hermit it up so I don't have to deal with all the people that just seem to be pissing me off. The good thing about being a hermit is that its all about Jake. I don't give a shit what other people think or want me to do. But the downside is it doesn't really solve any problems, just sorta makes me out to be an outcast. But I think lately I've been going to far outta my way for other people. Not anymore Hans Brix.

a blog about my blog

So I started this thing a while back now I guess. At first I just wanted it to be a way that I could turn my boring mundane life into something that I could read back on and bust a gut about. A healthy way to remember yourself if I do say so myself.

I just had a random thought. Who the fuck decided that the word "blog" was a good label to put on an internet journal of sorts. What does that even mean. fucking blog. Reminds me of the first sound that comes out when you vomit. Not the dry heave but when theres some actual chunkness coming up. Yeah I know! that's totally what you say. "BLOOOOOGGGG" gross.

Back to my original thought. I feel this is good therapy for me. Its cheap and so that means its good for me. Cuz if I wasn't able to try and look back and find humor in some of god's not so kind acts towards me. I'd be a sad lonely piece of filth right abouts now. Well maybe not, but I wouldn't have documented proof of my brilliant 5 stages analogy. That one's going on my resume. Hans brix

Not in Season

I don't understand a lot of things in this world. But right now I mostly don't understand my keen sense of becoming interesting in chicks who's last thought in the world is on a relationship or even the possibilities of a relationship. Cuz right now Jake's swingin' away with a .000 batting average. I'm very tired right now so I think I'll extend this metaphor. I see these perfect pitches coming my way and I'm thinkin to myself "There's no way in hell i'm gunna miss this one" but then that fucking changeup comes and what was once a juicy looking fast ball heading right for the sweet spot of my proverbial bat has turned into a slider moving high and outside. So over and over again its a swing and a miss. Thank god I've made it to stage 5.